Can't Catch A Break

It seems as though ever since Nugget was born, we can't catch a brek or at least when we think we have, we get slapped in the face with another piece of bad news. Well today I got a big ole slap in the face when my husband gave me his news. He's been demoted AGAIN!!!!!! About this same time last year, this same company demoted him and literally cut his pay in half! It was nowhere near enough to live off so he had to find a new job. So in July last year he left this company and went to a new one that was more money (or so we thought) but it didn't have insurance. The owner made it sound like a big money maker so the insurance wasn't a biggie. We got private insurance for the kids only. Well the money wasn't as good and we were struggling. He was with that company until January when he was asked to come back to the old company for way more money. How could he pass it up? He'd be making the money he was before his first demotion and we'd all have insurance again! Woo Hoo! Things we looking back up. The hours he was working sucked but he was hourly and getting lots of overtime. His boss is a straight up ASS but if it weren't for him, I don't think my husband would have been asked back. Well that ASS has gone and turned on him and gotten him demoted AGAIN!!!!! He's apparently not doing his job well enough and not selling enough. Who's selling enough in this economy? My husbands a hard worker and it always trying to keep everyone else he works with happy but apparently that's not enough. This demotion also come with a pay cut to where there's no way in HELL we'll be able to live.
I literally have felt sick since he's told me. I've cried. And now I feel like I'm in a bad dream waiting for someone to pinch me so that I can wake up. When will we just be able to live without worrying how the bills are going to get paid or if we'll have insurance. We have to have insurance. We have kids, one of whom goes to the doctor constantly. Nugget is always under medical treatment for something, mainly his eczema. I just don't know what we're going to do!
Before finding out this lovely news, I had started looking for a job. With my husband working tons of hours, I've been left with doing everything else and I've honestly just become tired of it. The house, the kids, the errands are all my responsibility. Now I know what you're thinking..you stay home with the kids so its your job to do all these things and I totally understand that but we used to share all the house stuff. Well since he's never here, there's no sharing anything. The kids sometime go days without seeing him. I'm just tired! It's too hot to spend too long outside, the kids are going crazy staying inside, I'm going crazy with neverending laundry, cooking and cleaning and I want something new. I want something new outside of the house. I want to start making money that can go towards savings or towards a vacation or towards something that I want! I can't remember the last time I bought something just for me. I'm always putting everyone else first. I guess really getting a job would be something for me. something selfish. Getting a job means Noodle has to go to afterschool, Nugget has to go to daycare and I'll still most likely be doing everything in the house when I get home but at least for 8-9 hours a day, those things won't be my responsibility. For 8-9 hours a day, I'll be around other adults. I long for daily adult interaction!
With all that being said, I'm really actually quite torn. I want to make my own money, I want to contribute, I don't want all the responsibility to fall on my husband. At the same time though I don't want to pay someone else to raise my children. Daycare is expensive! Daycare won't take care of my children like I can. I don't want Nugget to have to go to daycare, I don't want Noodle to have to school to afterschool. I don't want to have to possible depend on others to help me with the kids.
I'm done! I'm rambling and I'm going to bed! To cry!